Naomi, 28 (SHEFFIELD)

Procrastination has forever been the devil incarnate for me. I have always wanted to submit high academic level work in School, College and University, but have always had a mental block with periods of focus. There won’t be an hour that goes by that I wouldn’t constantly be thinking about doing the work, but I end up doing everything else instead. I would then end up having a somewhat ‘chill’ day, but still not enjoying it as the work was still on my mind constantly. I would’ve been better off just doing the work in the first place.

In the last 8 years, my photographic subjects and projects have varied from street, landscapes, people, and everything in between. I love this art because of the subjectivity and the endless possibilities. Sometimes a blessing, sometimes a curse. I have undeniably picked up my own style over the years, I now have such a definitive style and consequently, most of my work doesn’t see the light of day. Being a creative with ADHD makes me hyper fixate on my definitive style -  if the work steers slightly away from that style, I think that it’s bad work and it doesn’t deserve to be seen. That goes for a lot of things in my life, caring about my image and what people think about the things I do, the things I produce etc. I hold myself at such a specific level; in a way I feel I’m destined to do something great with my life. I sometimes feel like I must do life a certain way and think a certain way to get there. 

I never understood why I was a certain way, I was never around other women who I felt shared the same experiences with me so I never really put two and two together. Basically, I was nowhere as self-aware as I am now. I thought being in a university environment where I was there to get a degree, I would create the ‘top grade’ work I have always been so eager to create. Which visually, the work I’ve created since being away I am proud of, but my academic writing to get the marks, I have to force myself to do. I always think I am capable of so much more, if I was more time efficient, in every aspect, I just think about the endless possibilities. 

Social media was the main thing which had me questioning my traits/characteristics, I began to research online and found myself relating to pretty much every trait. I was quite emotional after this as it explained a lot of things in my life. It made me sad for the younger versions of myself which struggled to keep up with the rest of the world in complete oblivion. I was anxious at first to say anything to family mainly because I didn’t want it to sound like 19 years of excuses. 

One of my goals for 2024 is to finally get diagnosed. Although, I’ve done enough of my own research to know that a diagnosis should not validate you, you should feel confident in your own feelings and when you know, you absolutely do just know.

This brings us to this project. ‘undiagnosed and misunderstood’ stems from all of these pent-up emotions from over the years and wanting to visualise them to represent ADHD women. Doing this project and meeting these amazing people has made me feel more at peace with myself, for the first time being able to relate to a group of people about my own specific experiences and shortcomings. Doing this project and speaking about the negative side of things isn’t to create excuses, it is to show the explanation and to show how our society wasn’t built for neurodivergent people (stating the obvious, if it was, time wouldn’t exist).

The thing I found most important was to show a diverse group of people, for the upmost inclusivity. I want to personally thank everyone for getting involved, I truly wouldn’t have been able to do this project without each and every one of you. Every single one of you added something unique to the project (and validated my experiences) Sometimes going on a tangent mid-shoot and forgetting what we were doing. What else could you expect of two ADHDers in the same room?

-       madison julie, 2024